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I think my cat is mentally handicapped…

April 11, 2011

First off, I love my cat more than anything. She is my fur baby and I wouldn’t change her for the world…but I wonder sometimes if she was deprived of oxygen in the womb for long periods of time or if mom dropped her on her head numerous times as a kitten. I got her 2 years ago from a girl I work with. Her kids were too young at the time and they couldn’t manage a rambunctious kitten in the mix as well. As Sophie (my cat) has gotten older I’ve noticed some very odd things that she does. Maybe she is completely normal…I dunno. This is the first kitten I’ve owned and I’m not sure how it’s supposed to go. My roommate Desi informs me that yes, cats are odd and they definitely have distinct personalities. But Sophie is, for lack of a better word, retarded (I’m sorry, no disrespect.) She stares at walls, meows at things that aren’t there, randomly attacks me and my roommates or guests, goes bolting through the house at random moments, and she isn’t too fat to clean herself but her ass stinks! She is the gassiest little thing I have ever encountered. I really love taking pictures of her though, I think she has really great facial features for a cat. LOL some people think cats all look the same, but they don’t. She is actually very pretty looking. I’m not sure what kind of cat she is so maybe you guys can help me out with that but her markings and colorings are very unique and beautiful. I’ll have to take a picture of her front legs another time, because the coloring is very cool. One leg she has brown, black and white striping with a white “sock” and on the other leg she has orange stripes half way up, like she is wearing a knee-high sock. I almost named her Pippy Longstocking. That probably would have fit her better than Sophie. Sophie makes her sound so nice and cuddly…that she is not. Here are some random photos of her stinky butt for your viewing pleasure.

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Bloggin’ is hard work…

April 11, 2011

I seriously have blogger’s block…I can’t think of a topic to post about and nothing exciting is happening in my life right now. Am I really this boring of a person?? Maybe I should join some activities and get out more or something along those lines. I feel like I don’t have enough time to add anymore into my schedule though. Maybe that’s why I’ve been having a hard time writing quality posts, I can’t just sit down and think and write…there is too much to do. I am moving into a new house with my 2 best friends on May 1st and there is so much that needs to get done! Since we will be renting from a family friend of Kim’s he is cutting us a deal. No deposit, but we have agreed to clean, paint, do yardwork, etc before we officially move in. I will take some pics of it today and post. It really had the potential to be a beautiful house but the previous owner did not take care of it at all and must have had outdoor cats…inside. Yuck!

But I digress…look at that! I just came up with a blog. It’s not great, but at least it’s something. It’s really hard to stay on topic. Finding stuff that relates to being fat is proving to be difficult everyday, which is why I’ve decided to post about anything and everything. Any ideas about what I should blog about?? I don’t mind researching or trying stuff so you don’t have to, it’s kind of fun actually. Let me know guys!

Things I Carry in My Pocket for the Sole Purpose of Confusing the Police in the Event of My Untimely Death (via The Good Greatsby)

April 11, 2011

I LOL’d so hard at this. I’m pretty sure I’m gunna do something along these lines when I know I’m close to kicking the bucket.

Things I Carry in My Pocket for the Sole Purpose of Confusing the Police in the Event of My Untimely Death I hope to live a long and multiple award-winning life, but in the event of my untimely death my last thoughts will be on the police officers rifling through my pockets as they investigate the crime. In addition to my wallet and house keys they will find: 1. An elaborate treasure map leading to the police chief’s garden. 2. A note of warning that starts: “Dear Sergeant Smith, you are in grave danger! Trust no one!” I know the chances aren’t good t … Read More

via The Good Greatsby

Shrimp Tempura Roll (via )

April 11, 2011

You better believe I’ll be making this at home very soon! Sushi can actually be good for you, but anything tempura and it’s automatically a “fat kid” food. Yesss!!!

Shrimp Tempura Roll My friend Sandy came over the other night and we made Shrimp Tempura Rolls. If you wanna do a simple sushi recipe, I suggest doing this one. It’s also a good sushi to make for those who might be a little weary in eating sushi. Since the shrimp tempura is cooked, they won’t be able to resist! Buy a boxed, frozen shrimp tempura to make it even easier! They’re also great to snack on while you’re waiting for the sushi rice to cool! …Just make sure … Read More

via

Workout music!

April 9, 2011

Thanks to my amazing boyfriend, James, I found a band that I think would make an awesome addition to my workout mixes.

Asking Alexandria’s new album “Reckless and Relentless” is really great. It has 12 songs on it, but if you buy the ‘Delux’ version it comes with 5 extra remixed songs that just make me wanna punch shit and run around in circles. In my opinion that is a pretty good workout…so yeah…check it out!

What songs pump you up for a run or workout??

I’m in love with Adele!

April 9, 2011

Photo courtesy of tumblr_lgoy7s8X3b1qc8kbeo1_500

Adele is a great inspiration to women right now. She is smart, sassy, curvy, sexy, beautiful, talented and she knows all of this. Her music speaks to me and makes me feel good. It’s like she knows exactly what I’ve been through and what I’m currently going through. She is absolutely amazing and her new CD ’21’ has hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought her debut CD ’19’ was mind blowing, but she has matured a lot and it comes through in her songs. She titled both CDs the age she was when the songs were written. My favorite song off of her latest album is “Someone Like You.” Take a listen, I promise you won’t regret it.

Here’s her website where you can buy her CDs.

She is so beautiful…

The Food Anxiety Disorder…I think I just made that up…

April 8, 2011

Photo courtesy of DieselDemon on Flickr

I am nervous all the time – like anxious, anxiety attack inducing fear. It can strike at any moment for no apparent reason and it’s crippling. Mostly it stems from my stomach problems (which I will explain further in a post after my colonoscopy in a week.) I have a huge fear of being out in public and having to go to the bathroom and not being able to make it, whether it’s too crowded and stalls are taken or there isn’t one close enough. Have you ever shit your pants?? I’m assuming as a male right of passage, that most guys have and would just laugh it off – contributing it to a night of heavy drinking or eating really weird/nasty food combinations. But for females that is absolutely the most disgusting, vile, embarrassing thing that could happen to us. Part of my starving and bingeing is due to my stomach issues, as I have mentioned before. This post is about anxiety though and how food plays a huge role in my anxiety. I am on antidepressants everyday, which seem to help take the edge off slightly. I also have a prescription for anti-anxiety meds, which I rarely take because they make me drowsy. I know, I know…I shouldn’t complain about a problem that I’m not willing to try to fix, but I am trying. The only time I can take the anxiety meds are when I’m at home because they also give me the poops…attractive. What purpose does that serve, if I rarely feel anxious at home??

The reason I’m writing about anxiety today is because I’ve found that it has been increasing lately despite being on medications and moving forward in diagnosing and treating my intestinal ailments. I’m scared of what depths I will allow my anxiety to take me. When I was younger, around 10, my mom got very sick. After 4+ surgeries and more than 1 death scare, the doctors figured out that she had Ulcerative Colitis. She had surgery and is now completely healthy. At that age, almost losing a parent changes you. Along with hitting the awkwardness of puberty head first, I started to try to “control” things in my life. I know now that because I couldn’t control the outcome of my mother’s illness, I found something that I could control…food. I became very skinny and unhealthy due to a combination of anorexia and bulimia. Now I didn’t have an eating disorder in the same sense that a teenage girl has a distorted self-image and controls food to change that image. I controlled my food intake because in my little girl mind food was the enemy. Food was why my mom got sick and almost died. Food was a necessary evil and I would do anything I could to avoid it. This was also the time I remember the anxiety and my own stomach issues starting.

I would avoid eating all together if I could, but sometimes that didn’t always fly. My teachers, grandma, parents, friend’s parents wouldn’t always let me get away with saying “I’m not hungry,” or “I just ate.” I would have to eat because they were watching. I remember feeling their eyes burning into me (even though they weren’t.) I became very self-conscious about eating. I would eat while they were paying attention, then as soon as I had a moment alone my mind began to take over. I would work myself into a frenzy and eventually I would have no choice but to go throw up my food. I displayed the typical signs of an anxiety/panick attack but no one noticed…or in my parent’s case, wanted to acknowledge that their daughter had a problem.

My hands would sweat, my heart would beat faster, I couldn’t sit still, my stomach did back flips, I would get nauseus…then I would escape to the bathroom. Bathrooms have become what is now my safe haven. I feel absolutely safe in a bathroom, I can throw up or take a poop if I need to…I can hide. This may sound weird, but the smell of the inside of the toilet used to calm me down a bit. It would remind me that I was in control and that I could get rid of the horrid enemy in my belly anytime I wanted. When my parents could no longer ignore my withering frame and aversion to food altogether, they tried to help me by asking what made me nervous. The good old “why?” I was 10! I didn’t know how to articulate that into words! I still barely can. I am not blaming my parents in any way, shape or form because they did they best they could. They didn’t know what I was going through and they didn’t put me through it on purpose. I just wish someone was around to not only recognize the signs but to help me, or get me to someone who could have helped.

I’m bringing all this up and giving you some background because all of this makes me who I am. It was the beginning to all of my food troubles. It has always been a LOVE/HATE relationship with food. I hate that I love it. I hate that I need it to survive. I love that I love it. I love that I need it to survive. It all gives me a reason to eat it and to try to control it. Lately, I have found myself thinking “It’s ok, I can just throw it up if I need to. That way I won’t have to feel guilty/anxious/nervous.” Whatever the reason I am reverting back to that line of thought…it scares the hell out of me! I justify thinking that way because I want to be able to live a somewhat normal life. Not be scared to go out in public, to enjoy the bar with my girlfriends, go to a concert with my boyfriend, walk around a park, go camping, take a road trip, etc. There are so many things I don’t let myself do for fear of uncontrollable bodily functions. I’m sick of being “poop shy” as some say. I no longer want to be disillusioned into thinking that I’m controlling the food when obviously it’s controlling me. Any similar situations? Any advice?

Here’s an article that you may find interesting. I did.

P.S. I’m sorry I didn’t post anything during my week off. I got busy and let myself be lazy and enjoy time with my friends, family, and boyfriend.