I’m not going to apologize
I’ve realized over the last couple days, while looking at blogs on related topics, that I really shouldn’t be so ashamed of myself. I do have an over-eating problem, I do binge, I do eat when I’m not hungry…but that doesn’t make me a bad person. There are many blogs out there made by beautiful full-figured woman who are accepting of themselves. I feel like my blog started off on the wrong foot. I felt like this big confession was going to somehow get the ball rolling on huge life changing events. The truth is, I have to be ok with myself as I am now to begin positive changes. I love food–always have, always will. I’m not going to apologize for that. All I can do is invite you along for the ride. My blog probably won’t make sense most of the time or follow any particular genre. But I am absolutely addicted to this and I’m so glad that I started. I am happy right now, sharing with all (2..lol) of you. This is like therapy…but cheaper and not as creepy.
“I am a weapon of massive consumption. It’s not my fault, it’s how I’m programmed to function.” -Lily Allen’s ‘The Fear’
Emotional Hunger (via Can You Stay for Dinner?)
This is a great blog, check it out. She was able to summarize exactly what I go through every time I am ready to go to sleep. What do you do to curb your emotional hunger??
Cupcakes should be called…happycakes
Whether you bake them, eat them, inhale them, or all of the above…cupcakes make people happy. With the new shows on the cooking channels and the sudden surge of gourmet cupcake shops, I decided to try my hand at baking them. Mostly I ate them, but I helped bake them too.
Attempt at gourmet cupcakes #1
Attempt at gourmet cupcakes #2
And here’s a video of a girl actually inhaling cupcakes…don’t worry she’s ok. Her head probably hurts, but at least she got to eat cupcakes.
Define BEAUTIFUL
I don’t want to be skinny, I just want to be healthy. I wonder if these plus size models are healthy, to me they look like they are.
This is beautiful…
I must see the world differently than skinny people.
This is a swab that is commonly used in the hospital I work at. Most people look at it and see exactly that…a swab.
Green swab in plastic sterile packaging.
I see food…string cheese to be exact. I love cheese! I’m not even hungry, but now I want string cheese.
The yummy goodness that is cheese individually wrapped.
I try to completely avoid buying string cheese. Why? Because I WILL sit down and consume at least half of them while watching House.
Like robbing a bank…
Do you eat when you’re not hungry?
Yes, everyday. I go by what time of day it is more than how I feel. Especially at work, there is only a small window of time to take our dinner breaks…or we don’t get to eat.
Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
Sometimes, but due to my weird stomach issues I do it on purpose sometimes.
Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
Yes, sometimes I think about it hard enough and it makes me sick. Other times, when I’m with a friend who is also an over-eater, I just say ”Oh well, once a ‘fat kid’ always a ‘fat kid’.”
Do you give too much time and thought to food?
Yes, my whole day is surrounded by the next time I’m going to eat, where to eat, what to eat, who to eat with.
Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
Yes, it’s like I’m getting away with some big crime. Like robbing a bank when no one is looking.
Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
No, I don’t plan them. They just kind of happen whenever time allows.
Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
Yes, I eat like a bird in front of people like my boyfriend. I hate eating out at restaurants, I feel like everyone is watching me.
Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
Yes, I have found a way to pack on a whopping amount of weight on a fairly little frame (I’m 5’2″). My body hurts.
Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
Yes, I am always bouncing from one quick fix to another. I can’t seem to get it through my head that weight loss and healthy habits take time.
Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?
Duh! When someone else has no idea what you’re going through, they shouldn’t be giving advice. Shut the hell up!
Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?
Yep, I just keep telling myself “I’ll stick to this one, I just need to get through the first month and the rest will be easy.”
Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
I’m not sure.
Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
Yes, if I can distract myself from things that are bothering me with food, I’ll do it.
Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
No.
Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?
Yeah! I am unhappy with my eating habits. And I’m sure my roommates don’t appreciate it when one day there’s a full box of cookies and the next day the empty box is in the trash.
Have you answered yes to three or more of these questions? If so, it is probable that you have or are well on your way to having a compulsive overeating problem.
How do I know if I’m a compulsive over-eater?
Answer these questions and find out.
Do you eat when you’re not hungry?
Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
Do you give too much time and thought to food?
Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?
Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?
Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?
Have you answered yes to three or more of these questions? If so, it is probable that you have or are well on your way to having a compulsive overeating problem.
What is a compulsive over-eater?
I know, I know…Wikipedia is not greatest of reliable resources. But when you type ‘compulsive overeater’ into Google, the definitions all match no matter where they come from.
Compulsive overeating, also sometimes called food addiction is characterized by an obsessive/compulsive relationship to food. Professionals address this with either a behavior-modification model or a food-addiction model. …
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_overeater
I don’t think this definition quite sums up what compulsive over-eating is. For me, it’s eating normal proportions–sometimes less–while eating around other people. But when I’m alone I eat massive proportions, even if I’m not hungry. I’m not sure what happens in my brain to make me do that. Sometimes, it’s like I’m on autopilot and I don’t think about it at all. That statement alone contradicts the fact that I consciously choose to eat alone.
Lady Gaga — Love Her or Hate Her?
Personally, I can’t get enough of Lady Gaga. Although, her tactics are unconventional her message is clear– love yourself for who you are. She recently had a concert here and afterwards did an impromptu show at a local gay club. I wasn’t there, but it’s all anyone has been talking about for days now. Even those who claim to hate her are star struck by her. She’s doing something right. What do you think?
This is overwhelming.
I decided to start this blog for myself, but I do want others to read it. I would like input and help along the way. In order to have subscribers I have to read and subscribe to other blogs on the same or a related topic. I’ve found some very good blogs in the last couple of hours, but this is all so overwhelming. I’m not sure if I’m ready to post my blog to my Facebook, or have friends and family see it. I am just admitting to myself that I have an eating disorder, which is hard enough, but admitting it to everyone else is worse. How do I bring this up to my boyfriend? I would like to and plan to be with him forever. As far as I know, he feels the same, but what if this changes his opinion of me? He has stuck by my side while, so far, while I’ve discovered and began treating other illnesses I have. I also have an anxiety disorder, OCD, and I’m seeing a doctor for what we believe is hereditary Crohn’s Disease or Ulcerative Colitis. Any advice?
fluffyglutton
Adventures of a fat kid 